What are healthy relationships?
When we think about love, connection, or even friendship, the first question that often comes to mind is: “When will I find the right person?” It’s such a natural and common hope. After all, movies, songs, and social media feeds all seem to whisper (or shout) the same message: “Find your soulmate, and your life will fall into place.”
But what if that’s only half the story?
What if—before we look outward—we’re being gently invited to look inward?
The Illusion of “Perfect Match” Thinking
In a world of dating apps and endless scrolling, it’s easy to get caught in the idea that there’s a “perfect” person out there waiting for us. Someone who completes us. Someone who finally makes everything feel right.
But here’s the deeper truth: even if such a person existed, would we recognize them if we weren’t in the right space ourselves? Would we be ready to welcome them fully into our lives if we’re still carrying unresolved hurt, unrealistic expectations, or fear of vulnerability?
In other words, it’s not just about finding the right person.
It’s about being the right person—someone who is emotionally available, self-aware, compassionate, and willing to grow.
We Attract What We Reflect
The relationships we attract often mirror the relationship we have with ourselves. If we’re impatient, we often attract chaos. If we’re closed off, we may find partners who are emotionally distant. But when we become grounded, kind, and open-hearted, we naturally draw people who resonate with those qualities.
This isn’t some abstract spiritual idea—it’s something you can observe in daily life. Think of the people you’re most drawn to. Aren’t they often the ones who exude inner peace, authenticity, or a sense of quiet confidence?
That same energy can begin within you.
Start With the Relationship You Have With Yourself
Let’s turn the lens inward for a moment. Ask yourself:
- Do I show myself the same patience I expect from others?
- Am I willing to sit with discomfort and grow from it?
- Do I practice forgiveness—not just for others, but also for myself?
- Do I value my own time, energy, and well-being?
Because when you become someone who honors your own needs without guilt, who listens instead of reacts, who speaks from love rather than fear—you don’t just become more “attractive.” You become more whole.
And whole people create whole relationships.
The Courage to Grow Together
Being the “right person” doesn’t mean being perfect.
It means being willing. Willing to learn. Willing to unlearn. Willing to communicate even when it’s hard. Willing to say, “I was wrong,” and mean it.
Healthy relationships don’t require flawless people. They require people who are committed to growth—both individually and together.
If you’re lucky enough to find someone who’s on that same path, hold them close. But even if you’re not there yet, your own willingness to grow will make all the difference.
A Relationship is Not a Rescue Mission
Many of us enter relationships hoping someone will save us—from loneliness, from boredom, from ourselves. But no partner can fill the void we haven’t acknowledged.
Instead of asking, “Who will love me?”
Try asking, “How can I love myself better today?”
That shift in focus might just be the beginning of something powerful.
Closing Thoughts: Becoming the Love You Seek
At the heart of it all, relationships are not just about finding someone to walk beside us. They’re about discovering who we are as we walk. And when we learn to be the kind of person we’ve been hoping to find, we transform everything—how we relate, how we love, and even what we attract.
So don’t rush the search for “the one.”
Instead, slow down… and become the one—first, for yourself.
Prague, July 2025
All images are artificial generated by Dirk Bosman and licensed under Creative Commons BY-NC 4.0
